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FANBOYS DIE!

FANBOYS DIE!
By Dan Turpin ( Sunday, August 17, 2008 ) - 742 Views - 0 Comments

These anti Star Wars, crybaby losers are amusing as they seem to think their words have some sort of Kryptonite effect on George Lucas and if they say it loud enough and often, their self-serving wants and desires will be fulfilled. Jar Jar Binks, the Ewoks and whatever else sticks in the BB brains will somehow be wiped away from all our collective memories. Niggas, please!

I’m tired of the bitterness, the raped my childhood sentiments that speak more about the protestor than anything else.

Criticism is all part of the creative process, but it has to be done honestly and with at least a modicum of knowledge and class, which appears to be sorely lacking.

It’s a strange and pathetic society we live in today; emotion has taken the place of logic and reasoning, in the art world as well as politics. If something goes wrong or we don’t get what we want, by god, someone has to pay!

I’m not saying all the of critical reactions are like this, just the ones that take this sickening righteous anger about Lucas and his talents. Get over it!

If you are one of those nattering naysayers of negativity, move along, please. Your opinions are worthless. Just as a great poet once said, “Opinions are just like assholes, everyone has one and it’s usually full of shit.”

With that I present a POSITIVE review of the “Clone Wars,” basically a 90 minute pilot for the upcoming series airing on the Cartoon Network. Having been referenced way back in 1977 during Ben Kenobi’s BS session with Luke, the Clone Wars were finally acknowledged in Episode II and III, the opening salvo in the former and the victorious denouncement in the latter, or so the Republic thought.

If anyone ever wondered why Lucas left the majority of the battles out of the last two live action chapters, this is why, he’s given ample opportunity and a vast amount of time to tell it exactly how he wants it and to take his time if he so chooses.

This is not quite the Star Wars I grew up, no Fox logo, no opening text, but that’s ok, as this signals a new generation, a new era for Lucas to explore.

As the opening narration explains, Count Dooku and his henchmen have kidnapped gangster Jabba the Hutt’s son, Rotta. No big deal, except Jabba controls the coveted shipping lanes the Republic needs to continue the fight with the Separatists and their droid armies, if control is given to Count Dooku, the battle for the Republic will be lost. Cue Anakin and Obi Wan as they must rescue Jabba’s offspring before he is killed by Dooku and places the blame on the Jedis.

The enjoyment of the movie all depends on your enjoyment of watching the Jedis duel with Dooku, destroy laser-firing droids and cut shit up with their light sabers. I happen to dig it, all of it. The Jedis leaping in the air causing things to go boom is fun to me.

This film works exactly how it should; it’s a television pilot and sets everything up thusly. Why is this so hard to understand?

The look of the film had me a bit worried when I saw it for the first time, but I was pleasantly surprised. The spaceships look like real three-dimensional model work from the films, when the characters are walking or standing at a distance it looks like real actors. Granted, the facial expressions are limited and their eyes seem to do all the talking, but hey, this isn’t “Masterpiece Theater” so who cares?

What we do get is a great battle up the side of the wall as we continue to see why Anakin is a bad-ass, Mother-SHUT YO MOUTH!

Obi Wan takes a backseat as Skywalker is given a sidekick, a red-skinned, blue-eyed teenage alien Padawan Female Ahsoka Tano, who is every bit as stubborn and reckless as Anakin. They quip and trade snarky remarks, but believe me, she’s not nearly as obnoxious as the fat basement dwellers want you to think. Their barbs are unnecessary at times, but they push things along as we meet other colorful characters like Jabba’s Uncle Ziro, a nightclub owner based on Coruscant that’s a cross between Truman Capote and Eric Cartman. A wild, imaginative southern queen interpretation may put some people off, but he’s funny and memorable as the family turncoat.

The film is not without a great sense of humor. One of my favorite characters from the original trilogy Jabba the Hutt is a tad more sleeker than his ROTJ incarnation, but the bloodlust is still there- After the Jedis save his kidnapped son, he says, “Execute them!” That’s my Jabba!

One of the best villains added to the universe since Darth Maul is Asajj Ventress, bald, sleek, stealthy assassin out to take Anakin down.

Director Dave Filoni of "Avatar" fame seems at home in Luca’s sandbox, he essays some outstanding action sequences that would have been eye-popping in the live-action films, but are still great fun to watch.

The voice actors are all fine, all different save for Anthony Daniels as C-3PO, Sam Jackson as Jedi Master Mace Windu and Christopher Lee as the Count Dooku who reprise their original roles. The only stand out that almost stinks is Tom Kane as Yoda, who sounds almost nothing like our little green friend, but he’s not terrible.

John Williams iconic score is re-orchestrated here by Kevin Kiner, he gives everything and every one its own theme and it works most of the time, stumbling once or twice with some typical television music.

The set-up for a television series is tons of fun. Sure, it’s not Episode VII, but I never expected it to be. I just wanted a nice diverting summer movie and I got it. It’s full of the right amount of wit, spectacle and fun.

Imagine that, expectations kept in check, what a novel idea!