(NO STARS)
In its continued contempt towards genre fans, 20th Century Fox has released one of the worst sequels ever- a cheap, amateurish, hacky, ill-conceived piece of trash; the monsters are reduced to just being actors in costumes engaged in horribly blocked fisticuffs made for specifically “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” Reducing the sci-fi icons to Saturday morning cartoon melees, the studio has ruined any chance of future sequels from ever coming from either franchise again- After this mess, I doubt anyone would care. Making the big mistake of setting the flick in present day, the films open on board the Predator’s ship as the hybrid alien/predator from the last film, escapes, and a fight ensues between the creatures, the ship is damaged and crashes into a lake in southwest Texas. A father and son hunting team discover the downed ship and get the gift of a face hugger. The Predator discovers their bodies and proceeds to clean up all evidence of the either creature being there. The army soon discovers the creature invasion and demands the town’s evacuation so they can nuke it from the air. It becomes a race against time to fight the creatures and escape the town before the bombs are dropped. The plot then introduces the main kids in the plot, I say kids because nearly all the leads do not look over 21. Dull as a silent fart, these kids are introduced through a bully storyline of the poor kid getting picked on by the rich kid and why we should care is never really established. After the first ten minutes the film sets its agenda and for the next 85 minutes, the film’s inherent cheapness and clumsiness shines through. Directing credits goes to a duo called The Brothers Shaw, making no impression whatsoever, shooting every shot in darkness, heavy shadows or dense rain. No scope or geography is ever established, you can not tell who is fighting who from one shot to the next and makes about as much sense as the stupid title, Requiem. Uninspired, clichéd locations; underground sewers, a power plant and dreary, bland photography sap any energy the film builds up, which is minimal. A cast of unknowns contributes nothing as no one of distinction or interest brings anything to the table. The stock genre archetypes abound; the hot girl who dates a jock asshole, the outsider who pines away for the hot girl and gets picked on by asshole jock boyfriend, are as monotonous as you would expect. The supporting cast is equally weak and nondescript, right down to the black friend who is the first to die. All characters spew some of the worst dialogue heard in recent memory from a film that should know better. The one good thing is the fantastic score by Brian Tyler. Using several cues from the original “Alien” and “Predator”, the score gives the film urgency and tension, something the screenplay certainly doesn’t convey. The story has no purpose other than to have the critters fight each other and even that is boiled down to a few kicks and punches, nothing of note to mention. The great thing about the original movies is that each is in an isolated location; escape was difficult, sometimes impossible forcing the characters to fight, which made for two brilliant movies. Not so here as the film proceeds with absolutely no forethought of intention in making a good movie. If the characters would just find a damn car and leave, the threat would be over as well as the movie, but since they act like idiots, they make the wrong decisions, take the wrong turns and encounter the creatures whenever the screenplay dictates. A massive disappointment being a fan of both franchises, the film hurts in its bottom of the barrel schlockyness. Perhaps it’s stupid to complain about a film with “VS.” in the title, but asking to be entertained with a modicum amount of talent and spectacle is not too much to ask. “Freddy VS Jason” was not high art, but it was entertaining and gave the fans what they expected. The first “Aliens VS Predator” is not a good film, but it’s brisk and fun and doesn’t piss all over what’s already been established in regard to each creature’s history and the story made sense in the grand scheme of things, especially in reference to the corporate founding of the evil Waylund-Yutani. Even as bad movies goes, AvP2 is not a fun watch reducing the creatures into mere puppets, no effort is made to establish any type of characterization. The original Alien creature was the purest symbol of total survival, a cunning, extremely intelligent beastie, that when pushed into a corner, came out fighting. The Predator thrived on any creature that gave it a challenge. Neither killed out of evil bloodthirsty desires, the alien’s killing was for survival and the Predator killed out of societal activity. (Like Deer Hunters only without the tiny penis issues) Here each creature is turned into intergalactic serial killers taking down several people for no real reason simply because the carnage will make the teenage gore hounds go “COOOOL!” THE worst film from either franchise; even the most undemanding genre/sci-fi fans will turn their nose up at this dumb, insulting, redundant, boring sack of shit.